The characters of maidan cricket

Some years ago, I published a piece on the various types of Indian cricket fans in all their eccentric glory. Here, I look at the sheer surfeit of characters you encountered when playing "maidan" cricket in India in the 1970s:

The Insatiable Batter: This guy was impossible to get out once he got his eye in (which was, depressingly, often). He would go on and on, playing for days on end, accumulating runs by the hundreds. The IB hated fielding or anything that didn't have to do with his own run-making - and often, when dismissed early in the day, would turn up to bat in an entirely different match in a different part of the maidan. While the IB can be found in all parts of India, he tends to be especially concentrated in and around Mumbai.

The Practice Hero (PH): This cricketer was dynamite in the nets but a damp squib outside them. He looked like a million dollars as he flayed the bowlers all over the place during warm-ups and practice, and he spent an inordinate amount of time perfecting his technique, oiling his bat, and making sure he was smartly turned out in spotless whites. Unfortunately, come the day of the match, he would invariably return sheepishly to the pavilion with a duck against his name. PH generally had elaborate explanations for his early dismissals, ranging from the eyesight of the umpire to the ball inexplicably keeping low. His conviction that his big breakout game was just around the corner was rarely shared by any of his team-mates.

The Studious Statsguru (SS): Easily recognisable on account of his spectacles and a physique that resembled those in the "before" snapshots in the ads for body-building supplements at the back of comic books. SS was a trove of historical information about the game and its trivia. His enthusiasm for cricket was matched only by his active distaste for facing up to fast bowling. He often owed his place in the team to the fact that he was invariably the owner of some crucial equipment - such as the bat, the ball or the stumps. SS led a rich and splendid fantasy life in which he overcame his earthly limitations to set Lord's alight with his big hitting, brilliant fielding and hostile bowling. Though there is hardly a shred of evidence to support it, most members of the species firmly believe that with a minor twist in fortune they would have grown up to become Rahul Dravid.

The Nonstop Commentator (NC): Accompanied all his cricketing exploits with an unceasing ball-by-ball description of the same in real time. NC was a brilliant mimic and could switch quite effortlessly from channelling John Arlott and his Hampshire burr to Suresh Saraiya and his Gujarati growl without missing a beat. NC's keenness in describing the game often detracted from his focus on the game itself - and his rhapsodising over one of his own misfields or dropped catches or some other such mishaps invariably earned him the wrath of his team-mates. The NC tends to abound in southern India, especially in Chennai.

The Flat-footed Slogger (FS): Was overweight, hated running between the wickets and dealt exclusively in boundaries and sixes. FS looked anything but athletic and had a preternatural eye-hand coordination that made him a dangerous batsman. FS disdained "technique" as something for lesser mortals, as his philosophy of see-ball-hit-ball-into-stratosphere worked remarkably well for him.

The All-games Allrounder (AA): The real deal. Every neighbourhood had one. He had a knack for sports, and it didn't matter which one it was. During soccer season he was the one who kicked the goals, and when it came time for table tennis or badminton, he walked away with the trophy in the end. With hardly any practice at all, AA would turn up for cricket matches and score tons of runs, grab wickets by the bucketful and nonchalantly pocket sharp catches in the slips. There was just something about AA, an aura if you will, that made everyone naturally defer to him, and he was often captain of the cricket team. You wondered in later years about what happened to him - whether all that early success ever amounted to a lasting career in any particular sport or whether he just effortlessly moved on to successes in other walks of life.

I am sure there are many other types of maidan cricketers that I have missed - but at least in the India of my youth, you were sure to encounter the above wherever the game was played. Of course, every one of us today firmly believes that we were AAs: the older we get, the better we were.