'Always a stinker when you drop your phone down the toilet'

Twitter's great for giving you an insight into the lives of professional cricketers. An Ashes tour must be amazing…

The tourists
Chris Tremlett has a method for combating home sickness.

Sling box is a great invention. Being able to watch tv from home when there's s*** on tv here makes touring a lot better.

— Chris Tremlett (@ChrisTremlett33) November 4, 2013

And what kind of programmes does he miss?

Good to see one of my favourite shows has made it to Oz. Homes under the hammer. #propertygeek

— Chris Tremlett (@ChrisTremlett33) November 3, 2013

Kevin Pietersen also knows how he likes thing to B.

Bed, Breaking Bad, Biltong...

— Kevin Pietersen (@KP24) November 4, 2013

Meanwhile, Graeme Swann's delighting in the ignorance of his team-mates.

Classic Bres..."who's that astronomer bloke. You know the one in a wheelchair?". He means Stephen Hawking! #educatingbres

— Graeme Swann (@Swannyg66) October 31, 2013

The other guys
But what of the players who didn't make the squad? How are they keeping themselves busy?

Things aren't working out for James Taylor.

It's always a stinker when you drop your phone down the toilet!! #ooooops

— James Taylor (@jamestaylor20) October 28, 2013

"Always".

But Ravi Bopara's coping better. Here's a man who knows how to get what he wants.

Asked rm service for an omelette but man said "NOT possible at this time as its continental" So I asked for masala omelette, he said "sure"

— Ravi Bopara (@ravibopara) October 27, 2013

The sense of loss
Wayne Parnell is in mourning.

Where do missing socks go??

— Wayne Parnell (@WayneParnell) November 3, 2013

Is there definitely one missing? Have you definitely not picked up one of someone else's, causing them to be the one with a missing sock?

The fiction
Kraigg Brathwaite can see the future.

The future cannot be predicted but futures can be invented.

— Kraigg Brathwaite (@K_Brathwaite) October 27, 2013

Kraigg Brathwaite can see a future.

The bad influence
Pat Cummins is foisting stimulants on family members.

Just had a Coffee with my Nanna. It was her third coffee in her life. Good chat.

— Pat Cummins (@93Cummins) November 6, 2013

But his evil ways don't stop there.

I'm only eating the leftover lollies I don't hand out to Trick or Treaters.* *I currently have lights off, blinds closed, earphones on.*

— Pat Cummins (@93Cummins) October 31, 2013

Ironic that a man called 'Cummins' should be so averse to welcoming visitors.

The omission
James Faulkner appears to have forgotten to include the word "terrible".

Pearl Harbour- What a movie!!

— James Faulkner (@FaulknerC25) November 1, 2013

Tino Best's modesty corner
It turns out there's something that's beyond our self-proclaimed hero. Who'd have thought he was fallible?

I woke up this morning realising I don't have what it takes to be "average" I was born for Greatness #tinobest #bobski #goinghard#IndvsWi

— Tino95 (@tinobest) November 3, 2013

Life with Kemar Roach
Plenty has happened to Kemar recently, but let's keep this short.

Anyone Ever Had A Crush On Someone Then Found Out They Were Family???? #Wierd

— Kemar Roach (@KemarAJR) November 3, 2013

What's your philosophy?

Dont find fault, find a remedy.

— Kraigg Brathwaite (@K_Brathwaite) October 28, 2013

Why? Nothing's wrong.

Nando's Watch
Alex Hales is sustaining this feature single-handedly. But for how much longer?

Nothing makes me angrier than a nandos with no humous... It's 6.40 for Christ's sake!!!!

— Alex Hales (@AlexHales1) November 5, 2013

Somewhere in the world, there is always a cricketer complaining about jetlag.

I'm not sure a power nap should last 5 hours. My blueprint for jet leg destruction would be as useful as a fast bowler in a spelling contest

— Graeme Swann (@Swannyg66) October 26, 2013