'Breaking news: I can dance again'

On the field, the battle for the Ashes may be over, but off the field, the Twitter battle between England and Australia is- well, to be honest, there is no battle. Not unless a point is scored for every inanity, in which case THE BATTLE IS WELL AND TRULY RAGING.

The result
Every Aussie enjoyed the day of victory, but none more than Joe Scuderi.

Best day ever. Aussies win the ashes n KISS will be inducted into the rock n roll hall of fame. Happy birthday n merry Christmas to me !!!!!

— Joe Scuderi (@JoeScuderi1) December 17, 2013

Although Matthew Hayden was pretty happy too.

Australia is back in business with the Ashes returning after 4 years.....#happyasafatspider #Ashesreturns #Ashes

— Matthew Hayden AM (@HaydosTweets) December 17, 2013

Happy as a what now?

Even Andrew Flintoff's taking the result well.

On the bright side at this rate people will forget 2006/7 series @MichaelVaughan ! #whatseries

— fred flintoff (@flintoff11) December 9, 2013

But it's different for today's players. Steven Finn isn't just struggling for results on the pitch.

Flight to Perth this afternoon. 3 hours to try and avoid being sacked by Watford on Football Manager. #rebuild

— Steven Finn (@finnysteve) December 10, 2013

But perhaps the saddest loss of all from an England perspective is Ben Stokes losing all individuality and instead transforming into a sports-guff spouting clone.

Thanks for all the messages guys means a lot,but there is no "i" in team and would trade personal success in for team success #everyday

— Ben Stokes (@benstokes38) December 18, 2013

Come on, Ben - at least try and take the positives.

Billy Bowden allows 7ball over-to err is human,ain't it?!

— Bishan Bedi (@BishanBedi) December 13, 2013

There was a five-ball over as well. Does that make him even more human? Are there degrees of humanity?

Don't Fear The Enemy That Attacks You But The Friend Who Hugs You!

— Kemar Roach (@KemarAJR) December 11, 2013

That's going to be tricky advice to follow if the enemy's brandishing any kind of weapon.

The taste in music
Durham's Mark Wood is unashamed.

To the lads in the van who were laughing as I was singing to westlife...Your lobbing bricks up a ladder and I'm flying without wings #touche

— Mark Wood (@MAWood33) December 17, 2013

And he knows what he's talking about. He's quite the musician.

I challenge anyone to whistle Disney's Robin Hood theme as good as me. #crisp #range

— Mark Wood (@MAWood33) December 17, 2013

The breaking news
Perhaps Wood could perform for the benefit of Chris Gayle.

BREAKING NEWS: I can dance again...

— Chris Gayle (@henrygayle) December 18, 2013

The road safety record
Or maybe he should drive for him instead.

Since home I've been in 3 Car accident... None Major - Luckily I'm ok and well. It could have been worst. #GiveThanks

— Chris Gayle (@henrygayle) December 12, 2013

The injury
Andre Adams has, however, sustained some sort of injury.

Hurty stingy in the naughty part.

— Andre Adams (@AndreAdams) December 9, 2013

It's probably best not to ponder exactly what's happened to him.

Life with Kemar Roach
Tino Best is of the opinion that he's blessed by god, but Kemar Roach appears to be taking a different line in the nature v nurture debate.

Circumstances Made Me How I Am!

— Kemar Roach (@KemarAJR) December 8, 2013

Of course it could just be that Kemar's a robot.

Got Some People To Get Rid Of Around Me! Initiating Process!

— Kemar Roach (@KemarAJR) December 16, 2013

He certainly talks like one.

What's your philosophy?
A beautiful sentiment from Chris Gayle.

Some people are like clouds, when they go away, it's a beautiful day.

— Chris Gayle (@henrygayle) December 13, 2013

A beautiful, misanthropic sentiment from Chris Gayle.

You freaking beauty! Been looking forward to this for a while! #catchingup #nandostakeout #skinnylatte

— James Harris (@James_Harris9) December 16, 2013

Jetlag Watch
Somewhere in the world, there is always a cricketer complaining about jetlag.

Mmm jet lag.. Not cool.

— Craig Kieswetter (@kiesy_22) December 12, 2013