Jarrod Kimber

The myth of Shane Watson

Shane Watson is desperate to be an allrounder who bats in the middle order and dominates like Freddie Flintoff. Then he wants to open the batting and still bowl his full overs

Jarrod Kimber

25-Feb-2013

Shane Watson is desperate to be an allrounder who bats in the middle order and dominates like Freddie Flintoff. Then he wants to open the batting and still bowl his full overs. Then he's happy to move down the order to three, as it puts less stress on him. Then he's content to bat at four, and that it will help him bowl more overs. Now he'll bat anywhere, but probably gets that his body won't let him bowl.

That is Shane Watson.

But that is also the Australian selectors. Shane Watson is the biggest headache and most confusing question the selectors have at the moment. Before the Adelaide Test there was more than enough noise that they couldn't play Watson just as a batsman, and now Watson is just a batsman, they have to work out where to get the best out of him, if they want him at all. Today Mickey Arthur has suggested he may have to go back to opening.

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Victory Camel edition

When Jesse Ryder wasn't challenging Freddie Flintoff to a boxing duel, he was trying to bring peace and love to the world this week with a 62 off 37 balls

Jarrod Kimber

25-Feb-2013

When Jesse Ryder wasn't challenging Freddie Flintoff to a boxing duel, he was trying to bring peace and love to the world this week with a 62 off 37 balls. But the world wouldn't have it. And instead of enjoying everything that comes from a Jesse magic session, some idiots started a rumour that Rangana Herath and Chaminda Vaas had died in a car crash in Sydney.

Now I know Herath is not dead because I am watching him bowl right now. And while I am always hoping that one day an army of undead, slow-bowling zombies takes over the world, Herath and his seductive spinner's hips are clearly very much alive. The bright minds behind this prank didn't check to see whether Chaminda Vaas was actually in Sydney before claiming he was involved. As idiotic fake death rumours go, this one was as embarrassing as Ed Cowan's run out.

Unfortunately other people died for real.

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Cowan's 7.3 seconds of pain

In 7.3 seconds at the SCG , Ed Cowan went from intelligent cricketer and author to a cricketing dunce.

Jarrod Kimber

25-Feb-2013

In 7.3 seconds at the SCG, Ed Cowan went from intelligent cricketer and author to a cricketing dunce.

Cowan's a man who can read, and understand books. He likes the West Wing. Quotes from Charles Darwin. And he pressed keys on a laptop to make an actual book appear.

That brain has served him well in cricket.

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Herath: An underappreciated hero

Not enough comic books have superheroes who are old, short, pudgy with a bad marine haircut, soft round face and pants slightly too high on the waist

Jarrod Kimber

25-Feb-2013

Not enough comic books have superheroes who are old, short, pudgy with a bad marine haircut, soft round face and pants slightly too high on the waist. But they should. And if they did, they could easily use Rangana Herath as their inspiration even though bowling slow left-arm is not an obvious heroic endeavour.

From a distance Herath probably looks more like a dad watching his kid play than 2012's leading Test wicket-taker. Perhaps it's even that that helps him. It's hard to fear a man when he looks like he should be wearing a Cosby sweater and driving a comfortable second-hand station-wagon.

Sixty wickets from ten matches should have people writing about you as a golden god, I mean seven five-wicket hauls in one year, wow, they should be building statues and changing the pictures on the money in Sri Lanka.

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A partial retirement that shook the world

There was an announcement that rocked the world this week. Like you I am drowning in career eulogies as one of the greats has decided to partially retire

Jarrod Kimber

25-Feb-2013

There was an announcement that rocked the world this week. Like you I am drowning in career eulogies as one of the greats has decided to partially retire. Stepping down from a form of cricket that they made their own, leaving us with a massive hole in our lives that we may never fill.

Her name was Leah Poulton, and all players who retire early from ODIs should carry her name. ODIs will miss this great servant to the game, but she lives on in T20 cricket.

It was in T20 cricket that Jesse Ryder won another game for Wellington this week with a face-melting 60. For those keeping count, that's a kabillion runs Jesse has made this year.

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Swords out for dissenting tongues

If you want women, fame and money, it's probably better to be a cricketer than a cricket administrator

Jarrod Kimber

25-Feb-2013

If you want women, fame and money, it's probably better to be a cricketer than a cricket administrator.

If you want job security, business cards and the ability to wield power over people who are better looking and more athletic than you, cricket administration is a good gig.

You might think being one of the fastest bowlers on earth with an album, Bollywood career and breakfast cereal sponsorship is enough give you some special treatment from your employers in the twilight of your impressive Australian career.

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Salt Water Moose drowns Test cricket

Jesse Ryder inspired Luke Ronchi to make a hundred in each innings for Wellington against Northern Districts this week

Jarrod Kimber

25-Feb-2013

Jesse Ryder inspired Luke Ronchi to make a hundred in each innings for Wellington against Northern Districts this week. Ryder could have made the hundreds himself, but selflessly decided to help New Zealand cricket by showing just how good Luke Ronchi is.

Ronchi is very close to becoming the latest dual-international player. The slog-happy former Aussie keeper is so good that he will play probably days after he qualifies for New Zealand unless someone at NZC stuffs up his forms.

At the moment NZC are focused on other players and are having a meeting with a bunch of their former Test captains to improve relations with the current crop. It's going to be an annual event, not unlike when they fire their coach annually. The former captains will all have to bring their blazers to burn them in a bonfire while running around it as John Buchanan records their times on a clipboard.

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Not just metaphorical death

It was sad, but the end has truly come. A form of cricket died this week

Jarrod Kimber

25-Feb-2013

It was sad, but the end has truly come. A form of cricket died this week.

Only a few fans turned up to the ground that doesn't feel like it's for cricket. It's hidden in such a remote location most cricket fans don't want to go there. The travel-weary fan who did make it barely showed any emotion as a painfully slow-scoring, predictable game inched its way towards a climax no one cared about.

At the Sydney Olympic Stadium on December 14, 2012, T20 cricket died. It will be missed. That's what happens when a largely pointless game is played in front of no crowd, isn't it.

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Kids, why play cricket when you can just go fishing?

I apologise for missing last week's cricket news hurl, but unfortunately due to a communication error from Mike Hesson, I got the impression I had been fired from ESPNcricinfo

Jarrod Kimber

25-Feb-2013

I apologise for missing last week's cricket news hurl, but unfortunately due to a communication error from Mike Hesson, I got the impression I had been fired from ESPNcricinfo. Apparently I was wrong, but I took a week off anyway.

New Zealand Cricket also took a leave of absence, from reality and common sense. At the time of writing it has culminated with the New Zealand Herald asking the NZC board to resign and Ross Taylor standing down as captain and opting out of the tour to South Africa. This is their biggest crisis of confidence since New Zealand were bowled out for 96 (that's both innings combined, kiddies) in 1945-46.

And they still don't have Jesse Ryder in their team.

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Uncertainty at three for Australia, still

After the Andrew Hilditch years, there is something nice and warm about John Inverarity's honesty. Even when you don't agree with his take on things

Jarrod Kimber

25-Feb-2013

After the Andrew Hilditch years, there is something nice and warm about John Inverarity's honesty. Even when you don't agree with his take on things.

It's hard to agree when he says that Phil Hughes was hidden from the mighty South African attack, and yet is still strong enough to bat at No. 3 for Australia. That seems like a contradictory message, and one that will be sorely tested if Hughes (caught Guptil, bowled Martin) does make runs against Sri Lanka and ends up on tours of India and England.

If Hughes needs Rob Quiney to be his human shield against a class opposition, then will three Tests against a poorer attack that he has dominated before really change anything?

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